Just Eat Pie

I was listening to the radio this morning, as a normally do on my drive to school, and they asked the question: “When will you do your holiday shopping?”

At first I just rolled my eyes because, hey, I pay good money for no commercials with my satellite radio, so shut up, you know? I'm a snob like that. 

When I got over that I listened to a couple of the answers and was slightly surprised by what I heard. The callers had three choices of answers:

a.)    Thanksgiving Day

b.)    Black Friday

c.)    Cyber Monday

Both of the answers I listened to said “Cyber Monday” because Thanksgiving Day is a day to be with your family.

Hear that, America? Be. With. Your. Family. (No matter how much you loathe them. Also, if you’re my family…I love you?)

Besides, Thanksgiving is a day for stuffing your face and taking naps! Is standing in line waiting to buy stuff you don't need better than that? No. Thanksgiving is, if I do say so myself, the BEST HOLIDAY EVER.

So why why why do you need to leave the comfort of some family members couch and go buy a giant screen television when you could be goofing off with some people you kind of like?

Because we’re crazy, that’s why. It’s some nutso need to believe we’re getting the best deal that makes us get up before the sun, stand in line with strangers, push, yell, and fight our way to that last pair of Jingle Jammies even though they’re an XXL but OMG WE NEED THEM.        

No, you don’t need them. Chill out and read some stats from Black Friday 2012 (source: the internet, just Google it):

Total amount of money spent: $59,100,000,000

Amount per person: $423

37% of American adults will go shopping on Friday. That’s 1 in 3 of us!

That’s a lot of money and a lot of people. It’s nuts to think that you need something that bad that you will wait in line for days (there are already tents pitched in front of Best Buy, guys) to buy something for the same price that it will be in a couple of weeks. This is true: I worked retail for a very long time.

I worked at Old Navy from June 2003 to March 2013. If my math is right, that’s nine Black Fridays. That’s eighty or so hours standing at a register, arguing about signs, apologizing for lack of product, and so on…this really happens and it’s horrible. Being in retail on Black Friday these days is terrifying because you don’t know what people will do to get what they want.

Truest story ever.

When I first started working retail Black Friday was fun and exciting! My first year I think the store opened at 7AM. SEVEN. That’s crazy, right? What time do stores open on Black Friday, now?

Oh, yeah…some of them don’t even close! Or they open at midnight. One of the local malls starts at 10PM on Thanksgiving Day!

That’s not even Friday!

Seriously, people…stay home. That’s all I can tell you.

It’s not worth it. You don’t need that waffle iron that bad. Those jeans will still be there the next day. Really? That television? Those gadgets? That game? Just say no, kids.

Eat some turkey, take a nap, bother your family.

That’s what Thanksgiving is all about.

Well, that and pie. 

I like pie.